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I am jerked back to reality violently by an immense pane all over my body. This must be what hell is like for there is no doubt in my mind that that is where I am, Hell. Funny just what could have only been 5 mins ago I was debating jumping, and now here I was in hell. I tried opening my eyes but they did not obey my commands. Every time I tried the pane only got worse. Pane my only friend it was the only thing that was there for me. It never turned its back on me. Pane… in a way I loved pane it was the only emotion I had left the only thing that was real to me. At lest I could fill pane… when my father got drunk the pane would be there for me. When my mother thout I was not doing what she told me to do fast enough I was soothed by pane. My only Friend Pane here with me now in full force from head to toe in a way I was more alive now then I was before I jumped. I was beginning to find breathing hard I was struggling with every breath as if I was learning how to breathe all over again. Just as I was starting to gain control of my breathing I passed out beckoning the darkness, but in a twisted way I missed my pane.
I was drifting off into a sleep that was off and on but was I ever really awake? It was one of them times when you are never really asleep and you are not awake ether. You are somewhere between the two. As I slipped in and out of my sleep. The pane was always there to tell me I was not allown. But in a way it made me sad because I began to think it also meant I had lived. I did not want to live to return to people who did not want me. To go back to school to only be the brunt of every joke! Oh the names some time kid don't understand that words can hert more then any amount of pane I had ever had. But the pane of there words was starting to dull. I think it was then that I realized that I was loosing a part of me inisonse. Then it came the dream one that I would not forget not now not ever.
I got to school late on this day. Not like it mattered I was so fare behind in class that there was no way I would pass. Yet I tried oh how I tried I worked so hard that I did not have time to do things other then clean the house do yard work and school work. Not like I could cut one out, if I did ether my mother or father would get onto me and I don't mean yell. I was just getting into the classroom when the teacher called me over to her desk. "I want to see your tarty slip." She was rather calm.
"Sorry Miss Caren I did not get one, I will go back to the office and get one" I frowned as I turned to go back to the office. I tried so hard to be on time so I did not stop there furst. But just my luck I did not make it so I had to make the long track back.
"Sam what I want you to take this letter to the priceble with you" she took out a sheet of paper and started righting on it. When she was done she put it in an envelope and sild it then wrote the pricibles name on it. I knew it was about me it had to be. Slowly I was off the office as for I was in no herry to get my bottom worn out.
As I got to the office I gave the lady working there the letter after seeing the pricibles name on it she walked over and knocked on his door. I whated for what seemed like forever fidgeting the hole time why trying to get my late slip from the lady and be off to class before the pricible read the letter. No such luck just as I got my late slip the pricibles door opened and he asked me inside. Oh how I new I was in trouble.
(A female voce) "Damnit! Vincent! What have you done this time? He can't be older then 12!"
(A male voce) "I don't expect you to understand mistress"
(A female voce) "There are rules against this. Dose he even know?"
(A male voce) "No milady he dose not know"
(A female voce) "When do you intend on telling him? When he wakes up I hope?"
(A male voce) "I thout I would give him some time before I told him. He has a week hart."
(A female voce) "The Council will have your head for this, and mine for making you!"
(A male voce) "I am sorry milady but… but I could not would not let him do what he was doing!"
(A female voce) "Vinc… he is stained… and he is young… you can't make people like him immortals they turn into mad men… and never a boy or girl. That is are highest rule and you broke it."
That was all of the voices I could hear as I drifted out of my dream. I did not recognize the voices but the woman sounded angry and the man did not seem to care. I do not know what is going on. Was that god? If so was god the woman or the man? Was the other the devil? Young? Not supost to take young… I was once told children don't go to hell. Maybe I am in hell I was young but I was stained so I whint to hell. Oh the pane it is starting to get worse with every passing second and I thout I knew pane. This was pane on a whole new level. I was meant to suffer and I was suffering. I closed my mind and tryed to return to the nightmare for even that was becoming better then the pane.
I laid there in pane for what seemed like hours I so wanted someone or something to put a end to my suffering. But I had so much to be guilty of that I deserved the pane. After all I was useless there is nothing I could do right. I thout of all the times I tried to make my parents happy. And every time I would mess it up and be punished for it. The mental pane as well as the physical was starting to way on me. I forced myself to tone it out. Think about anything elts. The voices I would concentrate on the voce and noses around me.
I stranded my ears to lison to anything. I could hear a hart beat whose was it? I listened to the odd sound for a while then came to rilese it was my hart beet. It was erratic not like most it had no pattern. I was not soothed by it no I was hurt, if I could hear my hart then I was most surely alive. Unless you get a hart in hell. No I refuse to believe I am still alive this just must be pergitory. I must be waiting for judgment. Man my life must have been real bad for as long as I have been waiting and for them to punish me so as I wait. The pane oh how I tried to scream the pane was so bad I hert!
I walked into the principle's office I knew I was going to get it. As I walked in he was looking over a rather thick file I knew it was mine I have seen him do this before. He would lecture me for about a hour telling me how he was disappointed in my behavior or my lack of attendance. Then I would get a paddling for my trouble. "Samuel" 'ugh oh my full name I am really in trouble now!' was the only thing I could think he only used my real name whine he was going to call my parents and inform them of my bad behavior. This was bad real bad not only would I get a paddling at school but also I would get a betting when I got home.
"Yes ser" was all I could think to say as a frown came over my face
"This is the 10th time this month to be late." He sad as he looked up at me. Oh how he was enjoying this. What kind of man got off tormenting kids like me?
"Sorry ser I tried hard to get here on time but I missed the buss and had to walk." Just as I was offering my excuse he was picking up the phone to dial what I think was my parents. He would only be able to get my mother manly because my father would probably still be drunk and or passed out.
"Hello is Miss Night there? I would like to have a word with you about your son Samuel Night… Well he was late to school today… I see… yes I understand… I am going to send him off to class but I will have to punish him this is after all his 10th time…" 'OK now I am starting to worry' "… … … … … yes Miss Night… … … OK I think we can handle that." He finely hung up the phone I could only wonder what she was saying throw all that time. "Well Sam looks like I am going to have to punish you…"
"Yes ser…" I was used to this by now. I got up and put my self into position after dropping my shorts and boxers to the ground. So there I stood my bare bottom up in the are with my hands stretched across the desk. He smiled 'why was he smiling this was new'.
"Not this time Sam… I and your parents both believe that you need some other form of punishment one that would leave a lasting impression." He was smiling and it was only getting bigger I was confused but I stood up start and started pulling up my boxers… "No Sam for what I have in mind you will need them down…"
"Ser?" I was now confused if I was not going to get a paddling then why did I need my boxers down around my ankles.
"Bend back over and brace your self" he stated with absolutely no remorse for what he was about to do. It was this day that I learned what the word monster really meant. As I braced my self as he suggested. He got up and moved behind me but the paddle was not in his hand. I herd what sounded like a zipper. Then the unthinkable The Pricible started fucking me Sam up the ass. This brout a new filling of pane but more shame then pane. He continued his unthinkable act for what seemed like 15 minutes. I hated myself after that not because I was taken not because of the pane no it was deeper I had reached climax! I enjoyed it in a sick little way. That was enough to make me throw up. Right there and right then on the teacher as I was handing her my late slip. She looked me in the eyes and knew I was ill she emedently issued me a not to see the school nurse.
'Ugh what is that smell' I found myself awake again. The memory fully returning to me. If I would cry at the moment there would be a river of tears. But that smell it must be what I woke to. It smelled like someone relieved themselves in the room and forgot to flush. I felt as if I was moving but I did not know how it must be time to be juged. Then I herd the sound of running water like a tub being filled. I then felt as if I was being put in this tub of water, and someone gently washing me.
The pane was all but gone I only really felt it when I was being moved. I also found out that I had a limited range of movement now I could wiggle my fingers or toes it was then that I noticed that I had no cloths on. But then again why should I after all I was on my way to hell what would I need cloths for? With the lack of pane and the soothing sound of the water and the gentle washing of whomever I quickly fell asleep again.
Walking home as the nurse released me from school for the day. I could only think of what kind of punishment my father and mother would have waiting for me. No doubt it would not be as bad as what took place in the principles offence. As the prinibles last words where before I left. "I want to see you back in my office in the morning Sam." I saw the lust in his eyes when he sad that I knew what he had in mind. I shuddered as I continued to walk. I was about a block from my home when a car sped by. It was a old car one that my older brother might drive assuming he was still alive. It stopped right in front of me. I stood there, as a man got out of the car it was my father. I swallowed hard by the way he was driving he was sober at lest if he was drunk he would not recognize me well not till I got home anyway.
"Get in the car Samuel!" he barked. I did as I was told as fast as my little legs let me. I knew that if I hesitated I would only get it worse in the long run. "What where you thinking going to school late!.. And for the 10th time!" my father demanded as he got in the car. "Your mother gets you up in time to get to the buss in time!" he started the car back up and pulled back on to the street heading to the house. We where only a block away so it was a very short drive. "Get out and go to your room! I will be in a minit after I think of a suitable punishment!" that was his way of telling me to go to my room why he got drunk enough to beet the shit out of me without his conchse to stop him. As I was getting out of the car he looked at me and sad. "You know Sam your mother called me home from work whine she herd from the nurse you where sick…" he posed but I knew there was more. "I got fired my furst day on the job and I got fired because of you. You little shit! Can't you do anything right!" those words cut deeper then any slash I could get with a belt. But with as mad as he was sober I knew I would be lucky to live throw it drunk. And I still had to face the principle in the morning.
'Man it is bright' I was finely able to open my eyes but all I could see was white light and it was so bright that it hert me to keep my eyes open so I Quickly shut them again. I slowly turned over to lay on my stomach. What I can move and there was very little to know pane I can hear the movement of the bead cloths as I moved I could fill my bare skin on the bead cloths they felt like silk incredibly soft… who would waste silk on me? I could smell a fresh aroma it smelled like some sort of insicenc I felt and almost let myself believe I had ascended out of the depths of hell, and into haven. With my face barryed in the pillow my eyes where no longer stinging from the intense light and I quickly returned to sleep.
I was siting in my room for what seemed like forever till the door opened. Sure enough there stood my Father in his full drunken glory. "What the hell where you thinking showing up late! Hu BOY! Well say something" he was across the room backhanding me before I even had a chance to utter a single word in response or defense. "I will teach you to be late again to class" he huft as he kicked as hard as he could in my ribs I soure I herd them brake and I know they felt broke. He keep hitting and kicking more for what seemed like a eternity till he started standing on my head. I felt as if I my head was going to explode!
"No I will not be late again! I swear!" I shot up in bead screaming.